vanity - the aftermath

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I smell like old money and red wine 
A temptress on trial, desolation and decline
Underneath the aurora violet sky
Fatal blows strike me like lightning
Carving hollow reminders of silence and suffering

I've barricaded my ghosts underneath my floorboards
Their whispers tear down the walls of quiet and bitter sweet hope
Like crossing jet streams our paths never aligned 
They soared so high above me I couldn't have survived

My blood is poison, I lie half alive on the chessboard
Charred skin from pawning my life away for a chance on the high road
I quiver and falter and flinch but I still plunge into the deepest dive
Even if I'd tame my wretched instincts they'd eat me up from inside

I have nightmares of my stone tomb being vandalized
The anatomy of a persona non grata is a scandalous gold mine
I clasp the dagger buried bone-deep in my spine
Infectious betrayal runs thicker than blood, raw and hostile

The pulse of lust echoes in the starlight of my vanity
Fades away every memory of kinship I might've been blessed with if not for my insanity
Pain looks different on every face I have had to show, so I understand
"But here's a stray bullet for the wound you're tending to" Is what they all said

Leaning against an invisible wall, I pull my knees in to break my fall 
Fractured pride and violet skin, twisted and blanketed in the green dark
A suffocation finding me breathless at night, panic and paranoia beat you to it
So I surrender and admit my errors, I just beg the seven heavens to end this

I could make this right, just tell me who I need to call
I'll pay for it with everything I have, my vanity and my sanity in all
It'll be the death of me, a thousand paper cuts from the history of my self-pity
The ink stains from my quill puts my shame to shame and leaves me helpless in this game.



-auctor


 

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