november - wildest winter

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I see wisps of purple curtain the blue azure
I'll countdown every moment until I'm very sure
That you won't make it to November
I'll stay for unearthly hours at your bedside
Study every sign that maybe you will be alright
Survivor's guilt, I can't survive

And where did I go wrong
Dare to leave me behind
With the chaos I call your shrine
Dare to humble me further
Now your soul's light as a feather
No one's meant to survive November
 
The sound of crashing waves, echoes in my dreams
A white noise so sinister, I shiver on the chilly breeze
Cold November is here
I became dependent on the one thing I shouldn't have
The grip with which I held it, made it crack so bad
It's world so quickly turned black

They warned me never to get attached to you
One day is just around the, corner from you
November showed up just for you
I guess it was a blessing, come to put an end to
Endless suffering because I was selfish too
Now I just live without you

And I know where I went wrong
I dared to leave you behind
With the chaos I call your shrine
Dare to humble the summer
Come to put an end to the winter
No one's meant to survive this weather

November came too quickly, pulled the rug from underneath
Embarrassing but how do I say it's unfair when it was me
Who prayed only for me
I know I can't go back but there must be something I 
Can do to make it up to you
Your body's already blue

I hear stone walls breaking under the weight of me
Years of buried tension tend to make you heavy
The guilty'll never roam free
Grief tends to nail you down with your head in the clouds
A haunting so surreal its silence is too loud
Where's November for me now? 


-Neha Bhende

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