I surrender - haven

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I could have sworn I saw you standing there
But when I look back, it's apparent that I shouldn't have cared
Was I something more to you than just a treasure chest? 
All the secrets you left with me are weighing down on me as well

I surrender to the pain I've felt for years
At the hands of your helplessness
I surrender everything I thought was yours
But in me, your tragedies have embedded themselves

Why shouldn't I come after you? 
And question every move you've made
Why should I have been left behind? 
When you're out there living your life

I could have sworn you had something to tell me
Maybe let me in on how you survived for years on end
Ignoring all the messes you've made and left me to justify them
I do owe my life and happiness to you but they're not for you to steal from my hands

I surrender to the anger I've felt for years
At the hands of your guilty conscience
You fleeing while freezing the hearth
Shows I was right on some deeper level

Why shouldn't I come after you? 
And question every move you've made
Why should I have been left behind? 
When you're out there living your life

I have it written down somewhere 
Everything I've been dying to ask
But I'm afraid of what might happen
For if you show up and I choke
What happens if my words can't leave
The pages they've been inked onto

You can't assume that you're doing the best for me
When you've never had the courage to actually ask me
How am I, am I going to be fine
I think you're scared of what my answer might be

I surrender to the fear I've had for years
At the hands of your misguidance
I let go of your essence existing within me
Haunting me to never ending ends

And of all the things you've left behind
I hope you know you left me too. 



-Neha Bhende

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