Why I Stayed

I can see those lines from December

Sinking in and I thought I was clever

Hiding out in the stone cold winter

Beneath a coat hoping I wouldn't see her

I left a lot so I came back running

Left the crumbs in case I came tracing

For a hidden little clue

That would lead me to you

All of my fears came true

As I watched you walk away

I didn't think this through

I feel played like a game

Now that I stand here

And stare at the mess we made

It's stained too much of your reputation

Too much to be saved

You cut the rope but I clung onto my end

Hoping that it would lead you here instead

Of going back to all those radicals

But they cut you off, can't you see it?

They only liked you when they could control you

Told you off when you were no more brand new

They spilled out every secret

And made you keep theirs

All of my fears came true

As I watched you walk away

I didn't think this through

I feel played like a game

Now that I stand here

And watch the ground cave

I don't make an effort to run

You always did the running away

You threw out all our elegies

Said that crying was too easy

Kicked me out when you couldn't defeat

What I had to say in my defense

I let you push me over the precipice

Stick around like a tear on a new dress

What ended up being our life

Should've just been mine

All of my fears came true

Now you're walking away

You didn't think this through

Your ego has a role to play

But

You couldn't live without me

You pretended it was that easy

And that's why I stayed

Maybe, that's why I stayed. 

-Neha Bhende